Taking Care of Your Mental Health during the Holidays
We have all kinds of stressors during the holidays: shopping errands, chores, first impressions, interrogations from family members disguised as “catching up.” It’s not easy for everyone, so I’m taking a few minutes to provide some unsolicited advice for observing boundaries and taking care during the holiday chaos:
Identify holding spaces.
Traveling over the holidays strips us of our routines, our safe spaces and even our go-to social allies. But you can still create temporary respite to hold you over.
My therapist uses the term “holding spaces,” which she defines as “people, places and things that ground you.” Turning to these sacred spaces during a time of chaos helps reorient the brain, recalibrate the nervous system by introducing something familiar and safe. Mine include calling my dad, going for a run, sitting quietly in the front seat of my car. It can be anything, really, so long as it doesn’t include self-harm.
It can be hard to think of these on the spot, especially when we feel emotionally spent. Make a list in your phone of the things that make you feel grounded ahead of time, and, whenever emotions get heightened, just return to the list and pick the easiest one in the moment.
Build in recovery along the way.
Make time for rest and recovery from stressors along the way; don’t save it for the end of the day (or week). Think of it this way: If you’re at the gym lifting weights, you build in time to rest between each set. You would never do 6 rounds of 12 squats without stopping to breathe between each round. Do the same thing for your personal life and social obligations.
Identify an ally among your friends or family members with whom you can safely check in. Like a spotter at the gym (where are these gym metaphors coming from? I’m so sorry), an ally can help you when you’re in over your head at the dinner table, or jump in a conversation when a subject gets sensitive. They can also keep you accountable to making sure you’ve gotten enough rest, nutrition and headspace throughout the week.
Be up front about expectations.
It’s okay to leave the party early, but it’s much easier if you give the host a heads up when you arrive. “Thank you so much for having me! I can only stay for a bit, but I’m excited to catch up.” If you lead with the expectation that you have limited time to spend, it’s less likely that you’ll get roped in to staying much longer than you wanted.
On the flip side, if you’re hosting someone who says “I can only stay for one drink,” be gracious and respectful of their boundaries. No one likes getting their arm twisted into staying up past their bedtime, and they certainly don’t owe an explanation of their reasoning.
These are just small steps, and they might not work for everyone, but they’ve at least helped me keep myself centered. The point is simply to make yourself a priority at a time when our own needs can easily get lost in the mix. Do what works for you, and remember that you’re entitled to that.
Hope your holidays are merry and bright,
Hal